How to Handle Rejection?

Have you ever been rejected? Whether it’s been from a job, from a school/college, from a team or from a person? The answer will be a big “Yes”. We have all been rejected at some point in our life and handling rejection seems difficult everytime.

There is no doubt that “Rejection hurts”. Yes, it does hurt because who wants to be rejected? Nobody! But if rejection is that big of a part of our life, then we must learn how to handle rejection. So let us learn how to handle rejection in life. 

We will talk mostly in terms of friendships or relationships, but you will be able to relate this to every other aspect of your life too.

Am I a good fit?

See, every human being on this planet is different and unique on their own. Just as there is no such thing as “one suit fits all”, we often face rejection when we try to fit into places tat aren’t our type. we also cannot fit everywhere whether it a job, school, college, team or someone’s life. There are some places where we naturally fit in. We don’t even have to put effort because it just flows, everything starts falling into the right place with just little or no effort. we face rejection because we don’t naturally belong there, or we are made for. Then there are some places where we try really hard to fit in but despite our best efforts, we just can’t fit there and rejected. Because these places are not good ones for us to fit in.

Instead of fearing rejection, embrace it as a sign that this place, role, or person may not be right for us., if we have to try really hard to fit in at some place or in some role or someone’s life, we need to understand that this might not be a good place to fit in. Because to fit in there, we are changing ourselves, we are not being our authentic self, we are just creating a version of ourselves that we need to maintain for the rest of our lives if we want to stay there.

Ask yourself – 

• Would you like to fit in at such a place? At a place where you cannot be yourself? At a place where you are not allowed to be yourself? Certainly not. Then why are you trying to fit in such a place? What might be the reasons? 
• Don’t you feel worthy enough?
• Don’t you have confidence in yourself? 
• Aren’t you sure that you are good enough to fit somewhere?
• Ask yourself these questions whenever you see yourself trying to fit somewhere.

Why do People reject?

As we just discussed, every human being is different here. We all think differently, behave differently, process things differently. Something might seem fantastic to you while the same thing will feel utterly boring to someone else. We don’t see things the same way. 

So, when people feel that we are not of their type or kind, they reject us. When they feel that our values, beliefs, point of view, vibes or anything (that is important to them) doesn’t match theirs, they reject us. But that certainly doesn’t make us less worthy, nor does it make them bad people. Then what does it mean? It just means that we are not a good match to each other. 

You both are awesome in our own way. It is just like a good shirt and a trouser doesn’t make a good pair, but it doesn’t make the shirt or trousers less good. So, whenever you get rejected, don’t think too much about what is right, who is right, where it went wrong? Just accept the fact that you two are just different, nothing more, nothing less.

How to handle rejection?

Sometimes, rejection can feel so bad that we might even start to question ourselves on an identity level:

• Am I good enough? 
• Am I capable of anything? 
• Would anyone ever accept me? 
• Am I the worst person on Earth? 
• Am I just too different?
• Do I need to change myself? 

Questioning yourself is good as it allows us to reflect, learn and grow. We cannot grow without reflecting or questioning us or our behavior. But questioning yourself when you were being authentic, is it good? 

• Yes, you do have some flaws, but so does everyone, have you ever met someone perfect? 
• Yes, you do make mistakes, but is the other person perfect or have you ever met someone who never made a mistake? 

We all are humans, we have made many mistakes in the past, we are still making mistakes, and we will continuously make mistakes in the future as well. The important part is that we learn from those mistakes. “A mistake turns into a lesson when we learn from it.” Okay, this is something amazing that I just quoted, isn’t it?

How to handle rejection in relationship?

When you approach a person and they reject you, it feels like a heartbreak moment. You might even start questioning your self-worth because the other person means so much to us. You really wanted that person, didn’t you? And when they reject you, you feel dejected. Yes, it is one of the worst feelings on Earth. But, again, we need to go back to the shirt trouser example. The other person might feel/think that you are not a good fit and that is Okay, respect yourself and the other person. 

And here is one amazing thing I have learnt recently:       

When you approach/propose to a person, they have 100 reasons to accept your proposal and they have 100 reasons to reject your proposal. This might feel hard but accept their answer and try not to question their decision. You might want to ask hundreds of questions. You want to know where you are lacking, you want to know if there is something you can change about us so they accept you, you want them to list their reasons for rejection, you may even want to work on all those reasons. 

This all is good; you should improve yourself every day and be a better version of us. But listen to this very carefully, the reason behind their decision doesn’t matter much, what matters more than that is their decision because as I said, they had 100 reasons(valid as per them) to reject you, they just pick a random reason out of those and even if you work on that reason, they still have 99 left. And you are a human, you cannot be perfect. You cannot be everything they want. Just accept their no, move on, handle rejection and continuously work on yourself. Accept that neither you nor they are a bad person, you are just not made for each other.

Also, I would like to share one amazing piece of advice: 

What place someone gives you in their life depends 30% on you and 70% on them. Play your role to as much perfection as possible, but do not think that your efforts can change their perception, in some cases it may change their perception, but better not to expect that. Because sometimes, when a person puts us inside a box, let’s say they friendzoned you, you cannot go beyond that which is why you sometimes feel that you are doing more efforts, showing more care, love and respect than someone else (i.e. their ex or someone they are interested in), and still you are not being treated as good as you should be. 

A human trait also comes into play here, the moment we get something/someone, or we realize now it’s mine, we forget its value. It is like every shirt looks good to us except the one we are wearing. 

Conclusion:

So, rejection in life is necessary it doesn’t reduce your value. Never question yourself just because one person/company/school/college has rejected you. You are a diamond, only some will see your value, you will seem fake to others. Just keep working on yourself, make yourself a better human being every day. Someday, someone will definitely recognize your value and give you the value you deserve. 

NOTE: Just because someone rejects you, doesn’t mean they are not a good human, everyone has the freedom to choose and there is nothing wrong in this.

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