Why Breakup Hurts So Much?

We all know that breakup hurt so much especially if you are not the one doing it. But have you ever wondered why break up hurts so much? Whether it is from an 8 year long relationship or from an eight-month relationship, it hurts awfully in both cases. You don’t feel like eating, sleeping, studying, working or anything else.

A Psychological Perspective on Breakups

Breakup is the end of a romantic relationship between two individuals. It means that they are no longer a part of each other’s life. They completely part their ways.

The Emotional Impact of a Breakup

Breakups happen for many reasons. Some of the most prominent reasons are lack of communication, lack of understanding, lack of compatibility, lack of trust, growing apart etc. but I think that these are common issues and can be sfixed with mutual efforts. The most important cause of break-ups is the unwillingness from one or both partners to make a relationship work. If and only if both partners are willing to make a relationship work, will it work.

The Science Behind Heartbreak

Breakup is painful and it hurts a little more when the goodbye wasn’t yours to say… when someone walks away while you’re still holding on. It is a tough time emotionally as you experience lot of emotions, mostly negative. It doesn’t matter whether the relationship was a healthy one or toxic one, breakup hurts equally.

According to Psychologist Guy Winch : Surviving a breakup isn’t a passive journey, but rather a “fight” against the natural inclination to idealize the ex and search for satisfying explanations for the end of the relationship.

But do you know why break up hurts so much? It is because you are left with a major void to fill. We often give our everything to our partner/relationship and we don’t think of saying goodbye to them so when this happens, it is a shock to us. Your whole schedule gets disturbed. As our mind resists change, it doesn’t want to be alone now. It craves for that person.

How to deal with a Breakup?

When breakup is on the verge of happening, I would say try your best to stop it but only if you know the other person is right for you, I want you to think practically here. Don’t try just because you were attached, because if not today, then tomorrow, you will have to call it a day. Yes, dealing with breakup is painful, it is tough but sometimes it is the only option we have. Going back or holding onto that person will only make things worse.

Everyone needs to find their own way to deal with a break up but here are some things you can try which will help you:

Vent Out: The first and the most important thing you do after a breakup is vent out, cry if you feel like so. Vent out as many times as you want, till everything is out of you. If you are blessed with some good friends, they are the best place to vent out a few times but if not, write down your thoughts and feelings on a paper as many times as you want, read them loudly and throw them into a dustbin (but not before crushing them or tearing them thinking they represent your ex, haha).

Accept: Though breakup hurts but Accept your breakup. Our mind and body resists change so they crave for that person (in fact, it is not the person they crave, but the feeling you were getting with that person). It is hard to accept a break up as it is so painful but if you start telling yourself calmly that it is over now, we must go on, soon you will accept it.

Move Ahead: After accepting a breakup, what’s next? What is the next thing to do now, what is the next goal? Setting goal focusses you somewhere and distracts you from break up helping you in dealing with it

How to get over a breakup?

Getting over a breakup is tough but a necessary and an important task. Getting over or recovering from a breakup means getting your life back on track and start living it and enjoying it again. My friend, the show must go on. Death doesn’t stop for anyone so why should we stop for anyone? While everyone’s journey can be different, here are some tips to recover from a breakup or we can say releasing oxytocin which your body craves:

Goal: Well, the most important thing to do after a breakup is to get back to your goals or set some if you don’t have any. If you don’t know what goal to set up, take any short-term goal like going to the gym for the next 10 days without skipping it, completing a book or a new course etc. Set a goal, start a streak, not on snapchat.

Exercise: This is the most important requirement for your body, I am not saying go to Gym but move your body for at least 45-60 minutes every day.

Gratitude: I know it’s a hard time to do so but start listing down things/people you still have in your life. It will shift your focus from what you don’t have to what you have.

Friends and Family: Spend time with your friends and family. It will help you relax and you will feel a sense of belongingness.

Hobbies: It’s time to give your hobbies more time or develop new hobbies, doing something you have never done.

Acts of kindness: If you are not getting love, give it. Small acts of kindness towards people or animals can lighten up your mood and happiness.

Stay single: Do not seek another relationship for some time. Give yourself some time to recover from this loss, most importantly to heal yourself from this relationship. Make friends, enjoy life but stay single for some time.  Spend some time with yourself, love yourself, enjoy your own company.

Conclusion:

Yes, breakups hurt up because you have lost someone who was close to your heart. But, as they say, life must go on. We only live once and life is too short to waste even one moment. Overcoming breakup is a difficult task but with the right attitude and environment, you can move on from a breakup very quickly.

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