Thank You Ex

Hmm, what? Thank you Ex?? Really?? Why should I thank someone who cheated on me, betrayed me, broke my trust, broke my heart into pieces, wasted so much of my time and energy? Why??

I will answer your questions. But let me tell you one thing, I won’t use Sadhu’s/Guru’s perspective. 

Note: This is just my perspective, not a theory or a fact, so please refrain from sending me hate emails (I don’t read them though). But I would seriously like you to think about this perspective once, give it a thought, you are free to ignore afterwards.

I was talking to my friend on break ups, and we had a debate of around 20 minutes only, but those 20 minutes made me think for the next 20 days, I reflected on that conversation for the next few days and decided to write this blog. A big thank you to that friend.

The Train Analogy: Understanding Wrong Decisions

Let’s start with a very common analogy first, let’s suppose you are on a railway station boarding a train in the north but by mistake you boarded a train which was going south. After a few hours you get to know that you are on the wrong train which is going in the opposite direction. What will you do? Will you just stay on the train because you have invested so much time? Or will you leave the train at the very next station and board the correct train? I am sure you will choose the second option. 

Now, before you say thank you ex, let me take you back to the time when your relationship started, it doesn’t matter who proposed first.

Think about that moment for a second, how many emotions were you feeling? Think about the days before your relationship started? How were you feeling on those days? How high were your emotions? Were you practical enough? Were you emotionally mature enough to take such a big call? How much was the mind involved in the decision of starting a relationship? And how much emotion was involved in it? Were more emotions involved than the mind? Think about these questions right now. Note down the answers if possible.

Now, I am pretty sure that you are much more mature now than you were when your relationship started. So, answer these questions honestly and as accurately as you can.

Understanding Breakups

I will take the example of a relationship which started in school/college days, aged less than 21-22. At that time, we are not emotionally mature to be honest or certainly less mature than we are after some time. Even the definition of love/relationship/marriage that we have is not ours, it is what we pick from movies, web series, society or from family.

Over time as we grow, we start to develop our own sense of being, our own definitions of these terms, realize their values, beliefs etc. And be ready for some serious things now, after some time, one partner may start to feel that they have taken a wrong call, they have made a mistake in choosing a partner. They start feeling that their current partner is not their dream partner, or not the most compatible one.

I would say that I am not doubting their current partner but yes, we are all different and one size doesn’t fit all. And boom! Break up is the only option for them now. And perhaps the other person also knew that their current partner is not the best/most compatible for them but you were willing to adjust, right?

Let’s imagine both the partners tried their best to adjust accordingly, but here comes a dilemma: they can either choose to adjust for the rest of their life, or they can start afresh. And they chose the second option. They realized that the decision to start a relationship wasn’t a good one, so they wanted to correct it. Why would I continue to travel by a train when I know it’s not going where I want to go? This is a question that comes to their mind, and even your mind as well. Some people choose to adjust for their life while others want to start afresh. Do you think any of them are wrong here?

It might have been a mistake at your end as well, as you were also emotionally high at the time your relationship started.

Your ex just corrected his/her mistake or your mistake as well, nothing more, nothing less. I know their way of correcting the mistake wasn’t a good one but tell me one thing, do you really think there is a peaceful way to break up with someone? Is there any? Had you let them go if they were polite or explained to you that it isn’t working anymore? Come on, don’t lie. There is no peaceful way to break up with someone, until it’s a mutual one (which is very rare/haven’t seen/heard of it, just assuming that it exists).

Why breakups can be a blessing in disguise

Now let us imagine that they would have decided not to break up with you but to be with you for the rest of their lives. Now they are with you half-heartedly, would you like it? Would you like to be with someone who isn’t involved wholeheartedly in the relationship? Whose loss would it have been? Yours or theirs? So, did the break up benefit you or not?

I am not justifying their actions/decision to break up nor am I promoting/normalizing break ups, I am just sharing a perspective here. 

Should I thank my EX for the breakup

After reading this blog, if you also feel that your ex deserves a thank you ex note, go and thank them if possible.

Lessons to learn from a breakup

One of the biggest lessons that we can take from these situations is to learn to handle our emotions more effectively and not take any long-term decisions based on these short-term emotions. Feeling butterflies in stomach feel great but understand that these are temporary, and they will be gone soon. 

Emotional Maturity in Relationships

Let your emotions settle down and think long term, see the other person as a whole rather than just their positive side or the side which you like. Because we humans are more or less the same. No one has a quality that no other human being has. So, the next time someone proposes to you, or you like someone, wait for the emotions to settle down, take time, think thoroughly and then take a call with a calm and settled mind. This doesn’t eliminate the chances of break up but certainly reduces it.

“Thank you Ex.”

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